I meant Forever
by magnificentX
Summary: He meant forever, and that will never change. Told from Snape's Pov, it's the story of the mysterious potion master and the mother of a hero. My chapters are fairly short, please, please, read and review!
1. Introduction: Goodbye

"Lily! Please! I didn't-" The empty halls rang with his desperate cry.

"Sev, save it, you meant it, you know you did. This isn't the first time, and I've forgiven you before." Her black robes swirled around her as she came to a sudden stop, turning to face him.

His face contorted as his voice lowered, "Lily, I didn't mean it, I could never…" his voice faltered. "They just want so much from me…" The boy looked up at her through a curtain of greasy hair, "I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice burdened with the choke of tears in his throat.

Lily shook her head slowly, her jaw tight, "No, I'm a _mudblood_." She spat, "You don't need me." With one final look of hatred at him, she stepped onto the staircase that had just swung her way, "Goodnight Severus Snape." She meant it this time, and he knew that, this was the end of Lily and Sev.

Outside, as snow softly and noiselessly drifted to the ground, Severus sat in the Slytherin Common room, the soft glow of embers playing on his face mingling with his bitter tears.


	2. Snape's POV: I Meant Forever

I was nervous. Well, of course I was, I had every right to be, but I still loathed the fluttering in my stomach and the sweat on my palms. I glanced over at her and my breath caught in my throat. Her green eyes were fixed on me, me, not James, not Sirius, me. Oh God, I couldn't do this, I didn't even want to take this class anyway, I mean History of Magic was wasted on me, I just didn't care.

She looked away, back down at her book, I looked too. She was bent over it, so close the page was probably damp with the moisture of her breath, her hair spilled over the sides of it, just inviting me to reach out and- no, I couldn't think like that.

Damn, I had gone over my staring time limit. I allowed myself 15 seconds at a time, which wasn't realistic, but I liked to think I had more self control than I really did. Reluctantly, I tore my eyes from her but my jitters wouldn't allow me to concentrate on the work in front of me. I happened to catch that terrible smirk out of the corner of my eye, Potter.

Why did he have to be in this class too? One of my only chances to win Lily back, or just drool over her beauty, was ruined by his ever present arrogance.

I felt the paper hit me in the back of the head, a crumpled ball. Flattening it the best I could on my desk, I was greeted to a crudely drawn picture of Lily and James in a tight embrace while I, or rather a poorly drawn caricature of me, sulked in the corner.

I felt the familiar rise of anger, the wave of heat starting at my knees and flooding my face. Quickly, I shook my hair into my face so no one, especially her, could see the blood coloring my skin. My waxy skin, as Potter would so nicely point out. It wasn't my fault I had some… undesirable characteristics.

"Class, I expect a foot long essay on the Goblin Revolution, due ten days from now, that should be plenty of time." Professor Binns droned. He's an ancient man, we're all counting the days until his death, as awful as that sounds. Even though he was assigning homework in an annoyingly monotone voice, his words brought a certain amount of relief, only because they meant class was over and I could escape the overwhelming ego of James Potter, really it was suffocating me.

As I walked into the Great Hall for lunch I could hear them coming, the gaggle of narrow minded, teenage boys who called themselves TheMarauders. Sirius and James almost ignored my presence except for the sharp pain as they slammed their shoulder into mine as they walked past; Peter attempted the same but missed and nearly fell flat on his face. Remus chose to ignore me completely and walked on with the distinct air of a scholar. He had never actually done anything to me really, but he looked at me with cold disdain.

Then Lily. She wasn't officially a Marauder, but after we fell apart last year, our third year, she needed a group to cling to; besides, it was obvious James wouldn't have it any other way. She walked past, her head held high, with a quick glance back at me before hurrying forward to take her place by James.

I cringed as he placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, flashing his perfectly white teeth. Everyday I regretted the moment I had pushed our friendship over the edge.

I couldn't eat so I pushed my plate away and stood to leave.

"Hey, where'd you think your going?" Came the voice of my "friend", Mulciber.

I ignored him, walking at an oddly fast pace, the cries from my rowdy friends grew silent as I slipped through the giant doors. Immediately I knew I wasn't alone, I saw her, walking towards me, her face lowered to a book. I didn't know what I was doing, not exactly, but I couldn't stop myself. My feet moved even faster, this time moving towards an actual destination.

"Lily!" I called her name, she stopped, and we were face to face. I stopped breathing; this was the closest I had been to her since last year. I took in everything, her scent, her flawless skin, her silky hair; it was all right in front of me. I had forgotten how much joy I had gotten out of accidentally brushing against her hair.

"Snape?" My name left her tongue with a prominent lack of enthusiasm, "What do you want?"

It was my one chance, my one chance to say something that would truly make a difference, only I hadn't thought about that, I hadn't even imagined getting this far. I started anyways, I didn't care if I sounded stupid anymore, she already thought of me as the repulsive scum of Hogwarts.

"Do you remember, the afternoons we spent at the park? The one right by our houses? And how we'd have our lunches in the shade of those giant trees?"

"Well, yeah, but that was before-" I cut her off.

"Before Hogwarts, before any of this, when we were just little kids." My breath was shallow, but at least it was coming now. "Well, one day, when we were just finishing lunch, I told you we would be friends for a long time." I paused, studying her expression, it was almost blank but I could see a hint of regret. Regret for what? For our fight? Or for being my friend in the first place? "Well, that wasn't what I meant, I meant I would love you… forever, and I meant forever." I bit my lip, but turned away before she could speak.

Walking up the stairs to me next class, I had a small feeling of hope, that was instantly put out when I heard the calls to Lily from her friends, but I could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. I didn't know if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, or the greatest move of my life.


	3. Contentment

As far as things went I was an average student, but for the days following my run in with Lily I couldn't even think about the ingredients to a Boil-Cure potion, let alone memorize a list of Transfiguration spells. My lack of interest in school work unfortunately meant many uncomfortable talks with my teachers, but they had no clue what I was thinking and I wasn't about to sit down to tea and discuss it with them. No, there was no way my teachers could convince me that I should by doing my homework, instead of bracing myself for the ridicule that was sure to follow my daring speech.

I didn't know how it would get out, I knew Lily wasn't one to gossip, and certainly she wouldn't anyone knowing that one of the most hated students at school had a "thing" for her. It didn't matter though, with the nosiest girls in England poking around for anything and everything worth chatting about it was bound to surface and I would have to pay the price.

It was after my third day of waiting that I got what I had been anticipating. On my way across the grounds to Herbology I heard the most irritating snickering, when after a few minutes it hadn't stopped, I turned to face the person. Emma Goldstein, I should have known. She had a reputation as one of the schools best gossip suppliers; she also had a reputation as one of the stupidest girls one could come by. An annoying little smile played at her lips as she eyed me playfully.

"Good luck with Evans…" she said in a lofty voice before walking ahead of me with her group of twittering supporters. It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it, Emma obviously had zero confidence in my ability to be an excellent match for Lily, not only that but she was mocking my attempt.

This sort of behavior only increased as the week carried on, I even caught people talking about Lily, which was by far the worst of all of it. I could handle the teasing; I had done it for years, but Lily had always been so well liked, and know she was having her reputation slowly demolished.

In a hopeless attempt to flee the social disaster that was my current life I took a trip down to the dungeons, I had found them a pleasant place to wander aimlessly and think about anything you wanted for as long as you wanted. I was just in the middle of a string of heated insults aimed at Sirius Black when I heard a hushed sniffle and the choked sobs of someone who was obviously trying to be as silent as possible.

At first I didn't go in, whoever it was probably didn't want to see anyone, and no one ever wanted to see me, so what was the use? But at the last second I took a deep breath and slowly took a step into the cold room.

I almost wished I hadn't.

"Severus? Oh, oh, I'm sorry." Lily said waving a hand in my way trying to mop up her tears. It was pointless though, they continued to streak her alabaster skin and stain the thin cover of the small red book on the floor in front of her. My instincts kicked in straight away and I found myself hurrying to her side. Once I was there I didn't know what to say, I couldn't put my arm around her because nerves were already getting the best of me, so I kneeled across from her and at my hands, which were fiddling in my lap.

She started talking in a whisper, "I didn't tell anyone… I'm not like that…"

All of a sudden I felt a sweep of anger, she must have told someone, how else would it have gotten out? I cared for her so much that I set aside my usual withdrawn tendencies to tell her, and I get repaid with humiliation? "Don't lie to me." My tone was harsh, but I couldn't change it now that I had started. "Don't pretend you aren't like _that, _as you put it, you told James, didn't you?" My lips curled upward into an unforgiving sneer, I didn't know how I could be like this to her, I loved her and yet at the moment I felt an unbelievable urge to push her down. My own thought made my heart break.

"No! I swear I didn't! I wouldn't tell James, he isn't that close to me Sev." She was frantic, and yet still holding back how it had gotten out, but she called me Sev, not Snape or Severus, she called me Sev. Surprisingly that meant more to me than her saying she wasn't that close to James.

"How then? How did it come to be that we are the new school outcasts?" By now I was truly curious, my anger had left as suddenly as it had come and I was left with a heavy heart and a burning curiosity.

Lily laughed bitterly, "This." She said, tossing the red book to me, "Here's the culprit, this is what gave us away." I opened it carefully, the inside cover read:

_Diary of Lily Evans_

_Private_

"I left it in the library, I had been writing about what you said. They took it Sev, Emma and her crew, when I came back for it, it was gone. Later that night I found it on my bed, I felt awful and I wanted to tell you so badly." She didn't say it but I know the sentence really ended with 'but I couldn't because James would kill me if he knew I talked to you.'

In the blink of an eye I had my arms around her trembling body. Lily's head leaned into my shoulder as she sobbed. We stayed, locked in that position for what seemed like hours, my eyes never strayed from her, and her arms clung to me.

Finally she sat up and I reluctantly let my arms drop limply to my sides. "You must think I'm an idiot now." She said, looking at me thoughtfully through bleary vision. She laughed gently, "Well you'd be right, I messed things up for both of us and I cried for a solid hour." Lily shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip.

"No, never, I could never think you were an idiot." The statement did no justice to thoughts racing through my mind.

"They told everyone though, and it's entirely my fault."

"They're just jealous Lily."

"Of what? I'm no one to be jealous of, a muggle-born bookworm? Yeah, they're sure jealous."

I smiled warmly at her, "No, of an amazing girl with the beauty of an angel, the intelligence of Ganesh, and a personality that makes even the most hardened of wizards smile."

She looked down, but I could see her grin, "Ganesh huh? The Hindu Deity of wisdom…"

"See, I knew you were smart." I ducked under my hair, once again hoping it would hide the color in my skin.

"I missed you Sev, I really did."

Right then I knew a romance would have to wait; I was content just sitting there next to her. As she looked up at me and took my hand in hers I felt a sense of a completion, the sting of regret was still there, but it was dulled by the warm presence that was Lily Evans.


	4. Bliss

A/N: Okay, this chapter is mostly fluff, but I think that's okay. In my opinion a good romance story calls for one or two fluff chapters. Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed! Oh, and I know I haven't been putting in a disclaimer, I completely forgot! So, here it goes…

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the lovely Miss. Rowling's stories, including characters, settings, ect.

"It's getting late Lily, I really think we should-"

"Don't say it Sev, it's just so beautiful out here." She took in a deep breath and lazily dropped herself to the grass. I sat, watching her from the base of a tree. Above us the sky was shaded with smoky purples and blues.

Lily and I had found a courtyard, our own way out of everything. It was closed in on all sides by tall, faded grey walls with only one entrance, a small door that could easily go unnoticed.

It was late fall and the air was taking on its annual sharpness, it had been almost a month since Lily and I had reconciled and I was over stammering around her.

Her eyes were closed and a look of peace had settled over her. The ends of Lily's lips curled upward in a delicate smile, and her hair spread out around her head in a wild display. Besides her usual Hogwarts uniform, she wore an oversized, black sweater that completely hid her hands and reached past the end of her skirt, it was undone in the front, revealing the button down white shirt and loose Gryffindor tie.

"Sev?"

"Yes Lily?"

"What are you thinking?" Her voice was lofty and only had a faint tone of curiosity; it was a question she asked often.

A gentle smile emerged on my lips as my tenebrous eyes continued to soak up her appearance, "I'm thinking about how radiant you look right now… with the evening setting in all around you, and yet you're unaffected by it, it's like the sun is still shining on you, just you." I finished quietly. I was becoming bolder as the weather got chillier, more and more I found the nerve to tell Lily these things. I paused momentarily, "What are you thinking?" I was obviously more curious than she had been.

She sat up, her expression was unreadable, but pleasant, she wasn't upset. "That you aren't supposed to make me feel like this."

I felt my heartbeat start to race but I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up. "Like what Lily, how am I making you feel?"

She was still looking in my eyes, I knew from where I was sitting that my face was surrounded in shadows, probably better that way. "My heart pounding against my chest, my thoughts spinning, my stomach fluttering, a best friend isn't supposed to do that to you." She didn't seem to have the least bit of trouble saying these things, for that I was envious.

"But, I do?"

"Yes, you do." She smiled, her features illuminated by its presences among them, "I think…" she trailed off.

"You think what?" I urged.

"I think we should head back in." Her eyes quickly darted away from mine; even in the shadows I knew she could see my face fall.

"Oh, yeah, of course." I said, trying to hide my disappointment. I got up and started walking to the door, my heart feeling heavier with every step.

"Severus!" I heard Lily cry from behind me, her voice almost desperate.

"What is it?" I was somewhat concerned; she was normally calm about everything. She bit her lip and rocked back and forth on her feet some.

"I-I think, I think I like you… as more than a friend." She stated the last part strongly. I'm sure I had an expression of pure amazement, but she didn't let it last long. She ran towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and then, she did what I couldn't have even dreamt of, Lily Evans kissed me. I can barely describe it, it wasn't anything close to aggressive, but it wasn't really gentle either. I guess the best word for it would be passionate.

It didn't last too long, but it could have been forever as far as I was concerned. When she pulled away she had a broad smile plastered across her face, as did I.

"Well, goodnight Sev." She said breathlessly before walking through the door, leaving me to contemplate what had just happened.

I don't even remember how long it took me to get to the Slytherin common room that night, or when I got around to actually leaving the courtyard. For once nothing else in the world mattered, I was completely and utterly happy and nothing could change that.


End file.
